7 Ways Successful People Give Abundantly Without Burning Out

For years, there’s been an American cultural belief at work that the key drivers of success are passion, hard work, talent, and luck. 

But as our world is changing at the speed of light, we’re finding now that success is increasingly dependent on how we interact with others – the ways in which we engage, enliven, support, and connect with others.

It turns out that, at work, most people operate as either takers, matchers, or givers. Takers strive to get as much as possible from others, matchers aim to trade evenly, while givers are that rare breed of people who contribute to others without expecting anything in return.

Using his own pioneering research as Wharton’s youngest tenured professor, Adam Grant, in his new New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestselling book Give and Take discovered that these styles have a surprisingly powerful impact on success. Although some givers get exploited and experience burnout, the rest achieve extraordinary results across a wide range of industries and functions.

7 Ways Successful People Give Abundantly Without Burning Out

I was so compelled by Adam’s book, that I took his Giver/Taker/Matcher Assessment too, to see what type of profile I fit into (I was a bit scared to find out). Turns out, I’m 47% giver, 40% matcher, and 13% taker. I wondered to myself, “Would others really experience me as a giver?” I prayed so.

After reading Give and Take, I felt a profound longing to be more giving and generous in my work, in my community and in the world. I realized something I hadn’t been aware of before – that in my heart, I want to give more abundantly, but I struggle every day with HOW – how to balance my deep desire to help the thousands of folks each year who reach out for free career help, with my personal and professional need for well-being, rest and sanity, and helping others (family, friends, clients, etc.) who need me. Adam’s book helped me figure out some new ways to do just that, and I’m very grateful.

I asked Adam to share more about how abundant givers protect themselves from burnout, exhaustion and failure, and how they make sure that in their giving, they don’t become the dreaded “doormat.”

Here’s Adam’s take:

“At work, people are afraid that if they give generously, they’ll become doormats. I’ve found that in a wide range of fields, givers are indeed the worst performers. The least productive engineers, the medical students with the lowest grades, and the salespeople with the least revenue are the generous people among us. By putting others first, they end up dooming themselves to finish last.

But then I asked, “If givers are the worst performers, who are the best performers?”

It’s not the takers, who often rise quickly by being laser-focused on personal gain, but fall just as quickly by sacrificing their relationships and reputations. Interestingly, it’s not the matchers either. The best performers are the givers again.

The most productive engineers, the medical students with the highest grades, and the salespeople with the highest revenue are the generous people among us. Helping others can increase the chances that you finish last, but it’s also more likely that you finish first.”

What differentiates successful givers from those who fail? How do you help others without becoming a doormat? Here are Adam’s seven recommended strategies:

1. Spot the fakers and be more cautious with them.
Many takers are good fakers: they trick us into thinking that they care about us. We get fooled by a personality trait called agreeableness: agreeable people tend to be nice, polite, warm, and friendly, whereas disagreeable people are more critical, skeptical, and challenging. Most people assume that agreeable people are givers, but my research debunks that myth: there’s no connection between the two. Agreeableness is someone’s outer veneer; giving and taking are their inner motives. Just because it’s pleasant to interact with someone doesn’t mean he has our best interests at heart.

Instead of assuming that you can trust a nice guy, take a careful look at his history and gather information about his reputation. If you identify a pattern of self-serving behavior, one option is to direct your energy elsewhere, toward helping matchers (who pay it back) and givers (who pay it forward). Another option is to shift into matcher mode: offer to help him if he agrees to help you in return. That way, you protect yourself against being exploited, and you can start gauging whether it’s safe to become more vulnerable. Read more