The rest of us have to learn the ropes from the ground up, and find out for ourselves how to REALLY be attractive. But here’s a bit of good news — it CAN be learned. And for the most part, becoming an attractive woman is all about getting over certain challenges that all of us face. And these challenges are precisely what we’re going to talk about in this article.
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| The Challenges Of A Woman |
When it comes to being one of the “cool girls” around, there are three basic challenges you’ll be facing – looking good, carrying a conversation, and having big dreams. These may sound simple, but believe me, they’re three of the BIGGEST challenges all of us face in the dating game! Once you master all three challenges, you’ll instantly become more attractive in the eyes of men.
And not just any men, mind you — I’m talking about the few strong, mature, commitment-ready single men in society today, who are looking for equally strong, mature, confident single women. Let’s start with the most basic of the three challenges:
CHALLENGE #1 – TO LOOK GOOD
A friend of mine, let’s call her “Amara,” doesn’t like dressing up for men.
She has a bit of the feminist streak in her, and whenever I ask her about dressing up, she tells me: “What for? Why should I dress up for a guy to like me? If he’s really a man, he’ll love me for who I am!” Of course, I leave her be. And later this year, Amara will be turning 33 – and as you might expect, she’s still single.
It’s not just her fashion sense that’s attracting fewer men than expected, but it’s also her haughty attitude that turns men off. I once had the opportunity to ask some of the men she dated WHY their relationships with Rose didn’t work out…
They told me, “Oh, Amara is okay. It’s just the way she moves and dresses. She’s like a guy sometimes. And it’s easy to wonder whether or not it’s really a man she’s looking for.”
Ouch!
Ladies, make no mistake — looks DO matter to men, whether you like it or not. You’re definitely free to scoff at fashion trends and wear whatever you’re comfortable in. Just remember that while you’re scoring points for your individuality, you’re not doing your dating life any favors!
And no, I’m not saying you should start dressing slutty…
Here’s a good place to start — look at a woman you admire (perhaps a celebrity or a girlfriend who’s great with the guys), and check how they dress. See how you can bridge the gap between your
fashion sense, and the fashion sense that men in your location find attractive.
Got it? Good. Now let’s move on to the second challenge:
CHALLENGE #2 – TO CARRY A CONVERSATION
Can you carry a conversation with a guy you like?
Sadly, most women can’t! Many, many women find this as the most difficult of the three challenges to overcome. In fact, many of us don’t lead satisfying love lives simply because we can’t carry a good conversation with a guy we’re interested in! Now why is this such a big challenge for many women?
I’ve come to realize that it’s a self-esteem issue. Our words, after all, offer him a peek into our true selves – our thoughts, our beliefs, our values, etc. And unfortunately, many of us don’t feel very confident about ourselves — and we feel if he found out about our true selves, he’d end up rejecting us.
So we avoid the pain of rejection by NOT talking to him. And as a result, nothing happens to our love lives. Nothing! While some of us have that self-esteem issue, other women have the exact opposite problem — they’re a little TOO overconfident. And so they go ahead and approach men and engage them in conversation. The problem is that most of the time, these women talk about themselves – their problems, their opinions, their fantastic contributions to mankind, etc.
Let me ask you — do you like a guy who talks about himself all the time?
No, right?
Well, it goes both ways. If you only talk about yourself, guys will think you’re snobbish and high-maintenance. If you want to attract a man with a great mind, then you’ll have to be a great mind, too. And on the other hand, if you discuss people and nothing else, well… guess who you’ll attract!
But don’t stop there, either. I don’t want you to be one-dimensional. A truly unforgettable woman is
multifaceted — someone who, when the need arises, can engage men in any kind of conversation, whether it’s great, average, or small. Of course, it doesn’t hurt if you know how to FLIRT a bit, too! Flirting is one of the most feminine things you can do for a guy, and very few women do it well anymore.
Sometime soon I’ll write an article dedicated solely to the art of flirting, so stay tuned for it! In the meantime, do keep learning about this “other kind” of communication. You can practice it on guy friends you’re not particularly attracted to, just to see how well you do!
And finally, let’s move on to Challenge #3:
CHALLENGE #3 – TO HAVE BIG DREAMS
It’s unfortunate, but most women today don’t have dreams anymore. They don’t have goals. They live shallow lives. They have “me first” attitudes, which keep them from onnecting with the people around them, especially men, on a personal level.
I blame the “TV generation” for this mentality. We’re all caught up in the spirit of consumerism and individualism that we fall out of touch with the rest of humanity.
That’s why it’s a challenge to be different from other self-interested women, since we’re all trying to “fit in!”
So here’s my challenge to you. Don’t live just for yourself. There’s a real world out there with real world problems. Do you have what it takes to tackle your problems, AND leave a contribution to the world? I say this because the REAL men today – those single, mature, commitment-ready ones — don’t just look for beautiful women. They also look for women with beautiful minds and beautiful hearts.
And only women who go beyond their self-interests have that kind of beauty!
